Dear Pee Pee Bandit,

I know which cat you are.  I was not amused when I got to work this morning and discovered you peed on my pants.  You would think that I’d notice this before I got to work, but in my morning haze, I did not.  Once I sat down, I started to smell cat pee.  It’s a very distinct smell.  I have three of your kind.  I am very familiar with this smell.  You are lucky I keep a pair of spare pants in my office.  Especially since your adoptive dad totaled my car earlier this week, thus leaving me with no car to freely travel to and from work.  You’re also lucky I talked him out of sending you to the pound.  He was not at all happy with this incident.  He’s relented and put the litter box back in our room.  You win.  Now stop peeing on my stuff.

Sincerely,

The Giant With Boobs